026: Supernatural Sightings

We all love a good ghost story. That is, until we become the story.

A family friend once told me that he was staying in a haunted house. He had, on several occasions seen the ghost of a woman who hung herself in his the living room. Fortunately for him, he's only seen her shadow cast upon the wall and not the actual ghost in her full, ghostly glory! His wife has seen this apparition on one occasion too.

Lately, a good friend spotted a ghostly apparition when he left his office late one night. He fell sick. His business went down the drain. He's convinced it's all to do with the sighting. I'm thinking maybe he's just tired.

THERE'S A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION?
Are they a merely a figment of our imagination? Scientists have tried to prove that there is nothing supernatural about ghosts, attributing ghostly encounters to chemical reactions, geological phenomenon, biological imbalances and of course, psychological disorders. Nope, there are no such things as ghosts. And then, WHAMMO! they run into a ghost during the course of their investigation. I love when that happens.

We're separated into 3 camps when it comes to supernatural stuff - the guys who believe, the guys who don't and the guys who are too damn wishy-washy to be either! But let's address the guys who don't. These precious few always believe there's a scientific reasoning behind every spooky occurrence. Now why is that? Why can't you just accept that there are ghosts? Why do you do it? Is it because of your raging superiority complex that says you must have the answer for everything? Or is it just because having a "logical" reason helps you sleep better?

CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?
Sceptics call a sighting a figment of the imagination. A sighting by many people is a mass hysteria. And a close encounter with you local spook is nothing more than a livid imagination. But to the guys who actually see the damned (pun unintended) things, ghosts are as real as a ham sandwich.

Similarly, the guys who don't believe in ghosts don't believe in god either. But strangely enough, though some people categorically deny the existence of god, they believe that "there are some dirty things out there". Go figure!

a freudian spit generated @ 3:07 AM | |

 
025: In the Name of Jesus?

I was flipping through some day-old newspapers just last night and I saw this tasty bit of news in Wednesday's Malay Mail, "Nigerian Pastor held in a drug bust." They caught this guy with three accomplices in a church-owned shoplot in Jalan Genting Klang with 520gms of cocaine. The church was not identified but is said to be located in Hulu Klang.

FALLEN ANGELS
Now, what in heaven's name is a man of the cloth doing smuggling crack? This is both tragic and yet funny at the same time. What does a crack-dealer say when he's up on the pulpit preaching the Sunday sermon? And when he's doing all this illegal shit, does he take a Sunday off to "keep the Sabbath holy?" Good lord! It boggles the mind.

Of late the Church has been getting quite a lot of flak, thanks largely to its clergy. There's that openly gay Episcopalian Church bishop. And then there's that large settlement by the Catholic Church to members of their congregation who have been sexually molested by priests! This must be a bit of a blow (pun unintended) to Christians everywhere. How do you hold on to a faith when your leaders have so much trouble? What with all the publicity and public outcry, the suspicious looks and all! "You Christian ah?"

But I guess this comes with the territory of being religious leaders. You put yourself under public scrutiny when you hold the position as our moral counsellors, whether you're a priest, a pastor, an ulama, a guru, etc. In fact, anyone who is a bit more religious than the regular joe comes under close scrutiny by those around him. I think it's human nature to want to see you fall off your religious high-horse especially when you get overly zealous or self-righteous. The thing is, as humans, we're not infallible. We'll all screw up once in awhile, but people get more riled up when you're supposed to be their spiritual leader! Sometimes we forget you're just human like the rest of us.

LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS
Someone once asked me if Christianity bothered me. And I answered, "Not as much as Christians do." Of course I was just being my usual, asinine self with that smart-alecky answer. But it does hold some truth whether you're Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or Hindu. Nobody's actually gets annoyed that you're a Christian, just when they feel you're NOT Christian enough. Or Muslim enough. It's as though we have some kind of preset notion how a Christian should behave. Hey, why are you so angry? I thought you're a Christian. Why on earth are you so impatient? Aren't you Buddhist? You get the picture. Ultimately, if you think about it, there is only one real reason why people get pissed off: People get upset when you fail to live up to their expectations.

It's not rocket science lah. When was the last time you got cheesed off because the car in front of you drove like some maniac? Weren't you expecting everyone to drive courteously? When was the last time some government servant pissed you off because she took her own sweet time processing your sex-change application? Weren't you expecting her to be more efficient? It's simply that. Expectations. And the fact that nobody likes to be disappointed.

WEAR SAFETY PADS
As you get higher, you'll realise that you hurt more when you fall back down. Which is why I'd prescribe padding for your tush. Especially you clerics who really need to watch your ass because the world is watching too!

I still can't get over that Nigerian pastor. Did he get disillusioned (pun not intended, I swear) with the prospect of being filthy rich? Or was he just an imposter? Did his actions stumble his brethren in that church in Hulu Klang? But most of all, I'm wondering if this guy put some of that cocaine in the holy water? Hahaha! That'll be sure to give his congregation "visions" of Jesus and other stuff!

a freudian spit generated @ 4:55 PM | |

 
024: In the Name of Allah?

I received this in my mail recently. It was titled, "Trust Allah". At first I though I was receiving an email from a good Muslim trying to help me find God. Nope. No such luck. It's just another one of those Get-Rich-Quick schemes. I gotta admit that this one has a fresh breath of air to it. Here it is in its entirety"

ASALAM ALIKIUM,

I am the above named person from SPAIN. I am married to DR BELLO MOHAMMED who worked with SPANISH embassy in KUWAIT FOR NINE YEARS BEFORE HE DIED IN THE YEAR 2001. W e were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death, we were both new converts into ISLAM. Since his death. I decided not to remarry or get children outside my matrimonial home which the KORAN is against.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $8million(eight million U S dollars) in a bank in DUBAI U A E. Presently this money is still with the bank ..Recently, my Doctor told me that i would not last for the next eight months due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness .Having known my condition, i decided to donate this fund to a mosque or any body that will utilize this money the way i am going to instruct herein. I want a Mosque or any body that will use this fund for orphanages,.widows, propagating the word of ALLAH and to endeavor that the house of ALLAH is maintained. the KORAN made us to understand that
Blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because i don't have any child that will inherit this money and i don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelivers.Idon't want a situation where this money will be used in a way that is not the way of ALLAH.This is why i am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where i am going.

I know that i am going to be in the bossom of ALLAH. Prophet MOHEMMED says that ALLAH will fight my case and i shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health. With ALLAH all things are possible. As soon as i receive your reply . I will issue you an authority letter that will prove that you are the present beneficiary of this funds.

I want you and the Mosque to always pray for me because the LORD is my shephard. My happiness is that i lived a life of a worthy MUSLIM. Whoever that wants to serve the ALLAH must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another MOSQUE or PERSON for same purpose.

I want you to assure and convince me that you will act accordingly as i stated herein.

Hoping to receive your reply through my private mail box, bintamohah@yahoo.com May ALLAH bless you

MRS  BINTA  MOHAMMED.

It's sad to see the depths man will sink to screw someone out of his money. Using god's name in vain! I hope no one gets fooled by these scheme but someone always does. And if you do, remember that you are to blame. It's all greed, folks! Don't tell me you really wanna help secure the poor woman's 8 million bucks for nothing. When you get greedy, you get screwed in the ass. The love of money is the root of all that is evil (This is from scripture, isn't it? Can someone confirm?)! If ever anyone gets screwed over in a Get-Rich-Quick scheme, it's best not to come to me for comfort. I'm not particularly sympathetic. Boo Hoo Hoo, you got greedy, you got screwed. Live with it. And learn. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch!

a freudian spit generated @ 12:30 AM | |

 
023: Haikus for an Earthen God

Looking back at my most recent blog, and the comments - especially that fiery one from fooji, I felt such a great compulsion to write a Haiku. In case you don't know what a haiku is and you're just too damn lazy to bloody click on the link I so painstakingly selected for you, here's my explanation: A haiku is a Japanese poetry style consisting of 3 lines and 17 syllables in a 5-7-5 configuration. And nothing rhymes. It's not supposed to.

Let's go. Here's one dedicated to Tauke Fooji of Warung Ikan Bakar:

Look, I made a god.
I created him from clay.
Should he worship me?

In case there was any doubt, let me just assure you that I feel very clever right now. So here's more:

God made man from clay.
Then man returns the favour.
Man is a wise-ass.

I wanted to say wise guy but somehow it lacked the umph! Here's another thought which I plagiarised shamelessly from George Carlin: Why is a wise man the complete opposite of a wise guy? Here's a couple more:

How much is your god?
Thirty seven twenty five.
Buy one, get one free.

Is god pissed at me?
I came home pissed drunk last night,
And knocked him over.

Hooboy! I'm done for now. But there's probably a lot more where this came from but I think I'll save it for some later date. Meantime, I hope nobody gets too pissed off at my Haikus. I call it as I see it. Idolatry is oftentimes quite funny if you think about it.

And hey, if you have any Haikus on the same subject, just go ahead and click that comments button!

a freudian spit generated @ 5:42 PM | |

 
022: Raiders of the Temple of Doom

Over the last week, I had followed with great interest the mysterious disappearance of a century-old Tua Pek Kong (God of Prosperity) statue from the Hock Teik Cheng Sin Temple in Armenian Street, Penang.

Decades had passed and time had ravaged the former pride of this ancient temple. The walls were encrusted in black moss, it's red clay bricks soaked in the musky odour of a century of incense smoke. A century of lost souls seeking the solace of fortune. A century of man's unwavering quest for riches. For this is the Temple of the God of Prosperity. The aged priest cast a long shadow upon the temple courtyard as he stood at th gateway, in awe of spectacle before his eyes. The rays of dawn bathed the facade of the temple. The scarlet roof tiles glistened with a million starbursts that seem to dance in tune with the music of the morning wind, almost rekindling the temple with the grandeur it used to know. Suddenly the wind died down. The silence was almost deafening. At once, the old priest felt the cold morning chill running down his spine, crippling his legs with a sinister numbness. He stood there, his heart pounded unrelentlessly. "Something's happened," said a voice inside his head. At once, he knew that something had indeed happened to the statue of the God of Prosperity!

HIGH ADVENTURE
Boy, I had visions of an Indiana Jones-type character running of with Tua Pek Kong hidden in his jacket, hanging on to his fedora, lashing his whip at the nearest branch to swing his way to freedom with 30-over warrior monks in hot pursuit. Of course the actual event was pretty ho-hum. In fact, Tua Pek Kong was eventually returned on Saturday without much incident.

Approximately a week before that the statue has mysteriously disappeared from the temple - speculated to be the work of some guy who decided that having the deity at home might bring his luck. Instead the temple-guys issues a warning that keeping the statue "will not bring any benefit to the owner. Instead bad luck will befall him." What the hell was the perpetrator thinking? It's not like the statue was made of solid gold or had ruby eyes! But then again this guy was hoping for "divine intervention". It didn't matter that he bloody stole the thing - God was gonna bless him anyway!

BLOODY HISTORY
But here's something interesting. According to the temple restoration committee chairman, the statue had a bloody history. Back in the 19th century, the Kien Teik secret society prayed to this idol right before they waged war on rival gangs! And Tua Pek Kong is also the patron deity of the triads involved in the 1867 riots in Penang.

Hmm. A violent god. It's a scary thought. That is, if it's true of course! If you watch those Mafia movies, you'll also see something like this. You have your standard, overweight, slurry godfather giving out the order to whack a traitor or "business" rival and his entire family. All this while rolling rosary beads in his hand saying his Hail Mary! Or you can watch a Hongkie ganster movie and you'll see a bunch of tattooed, blond-haired Ah Bengs praying to a deity to bless their initiation into the Triads!

What in heaven's name are these people thinking? This is gang war - it's not some holy war to protect God's name. This is violence for money and power and drug territory. What makes anyone think that any god would bless such insanity? Now I'm not putting anyone's belief down but you gotta think this through a little bit!

GOOD GOD, BAD GOD
The next time while you're praying for protection as you go out on your gang war, or if you're earnestly praying that the husband of the woman you're banging will never find you out, just ask yourself this: WHY WOULD A GOOD GOD CONDONE A BAD THING? Shouldn't you be praying to some evil spirit instead?

The fact is, we all succumb to a little tempation now and then. Face it, we're just not perfect lah! We screw around indiscriminately. We gamble. We drink till we're too pissed drunk to remember our surnames. We want revenge all the time. We swear and curse at someone's mother. It's just the way we're made. But for heaven's sake, don't lah expect God to like it, much less bless all our iniquities! Stop praying for bad things as though as God is pleased with it.

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES
I know someone's probably thinking, that good and bad is society's definitions and bad thing may not necessarily be bad to other people. Screw that thought, okay! Nothing reeks of stupidity more that rationalising stupid actions. We get stupid sometime and we do stupid things. Admit it. And try to stop. But don't fool yourself thinking it's ok. And please don't be praying for God's blessing for things like that. If tonight you want to snort cocaine, don't be praying for God to prevent an overdose!

And don't think you get God's blessings when you go out and steal a statue of Him! But here's a thought, what if the God you imagined to be a good God really bless you in a bad thing? I think you'll really need to start worrying then!

a freudian spit generated @ 4:57 PM | |

 
021: Alberto Rivera and The Prophet

I'm one of those guys who grew up on a steady diet of comics, from Beano and Dandy to Marvel and DC. Thanks largely to the fact that my best friend/neighbour's dad was an avid reader of comics. Now while I was in my teens, another friend showed me the Crusader comic series which is published by Chick Publication. The founder, Jack T. Chick is a professed Protestant Christian and is responsible for those little "mini-comics" that some Christians use to evangelise.

In any case, Jack T. Chick calls himself a "bible-believing" Christian. My first thought about this label is, "Aren't they all bible-believers?" Anyway, good old Jack publishes these little comics which can be pretty frank about all other religions, sometimes brutally so. Some are insightful, quoting from researches, history and achaeological findings. Others can be pretty preposterous, even to the point of being offensive. But I digress.

CONTROVERSIAL COMIC
Back to my schooldays. In my friend's collection, there was a miniseries, Alberto. This series of six comics is chronicled by an ex-Jesuit priest, Alberto Rivera, tracing his own experiences in the Catholic Church and the tales and conspiracies he had heard while he was there. In the series, Rivera also dishes out some juicy atrocities commited by the Catholic Church and his subsequesnt conversion to Protestanism - as a "bible-believing" Christian no less. (Now, before you proceed any further, let me just say that I do not wholly subscribe to Rivera's testimonies nor Chick Publication's idealogies so don't start cursing me or my family). You may be able to buy the Alberto series from Christian bookshops, all of them EXCEPT the last installment, The Prophet.

The Prophet is banned in Malaysia. If you're caught selling or distributing it, you'll probably be arrested and charged under the Internal Security Act. Here's the reason why: This book explain the origins of Islam as told to Alberto Rivera by Cardinal Bea, a bigshot at the Vatican. And the stories within are nothing short of controversial.

WARNING: The Prophet is not for the faint of heart. If you're one of those guys who get pissed off at anything, or if you have a strong compulsion towards violence or bombings, please don't click the link! The material you're about to read may be offensive to Muslims and Catholics. I have nothing to do with the creation of The Prophet nor do I agree with its content. I'm merely placing it here for your reference/research!

Okay. Now that we've got that out of the way and you still want to read The Prophet, it's available here. It was never published on the net before. I have been watching this site for over a year now hoping to catch a glimpse of this controversial comic but no such luck, until now! There are 2 other issues in the series, Alberto and The Godfathers which are available online. Read those too, for context!

TRUTH OR DARE
Some people have accused Alberto Rivera to fabricating his stories. The Vatican had even denied his membership as a Jesuit Priest. But I'm open to all of this. Rivera's accounts have some consistencies in them and I can't for the life of me understand why a man would risk everything, including his life to tell such a story. Apparently, Rivera has not accepted any royalties from Chick Publication but we'll never really know for sure. I've tried to find out more about Rivera and the person he is but the resources online are limited. His detractors are either Catholics or Muslims or other religions he has offended. And his supporters are almost always Protestants. I did find a neutral site, at least one that isn't a Protestant nor a Catholic site. Still, there's no telling what the writer's inclinations are.

Today Aiz's blog pointed out a far more disturbing read, a site dedicated to ex-Muslims, particularly Malays who have left the faith. I imagine hoardes of people must be reading that site now since I have had difficulty getting in due to the website having "exceeded its allocated data transfer". I did manage to read a few testimonies from Malaysians and their experiences, how they "found the true God". Sadly, many of the testimonies also tell of how they have been discriminated against for their beliefs. My heart goes out to these people who have such strong convictions that they are willing to risk it all. I'm not saying they're right or they're wrong. I'm not even saying that I support their actions. I just pity that most of these folks have had to leave their homeland for the sake of their beliefs.

I was always under the impression that God gave man free will to choose him. Perhaps I was mistaken? Or is it just our government that revokes our free will? Sure, our constitution allows a Muslim to convert out but it doesn't exactly make it easy for you to do so. And what about threats from Muslims? A Muslim friend once told me that in a hadith (Sorry, I can't remember which one) Nabi Muhammad decreed that Muslims who leave the faith must be killed. Is this true? Or is this just a perversion of Muhammad's word? If it is indeed the truth, then I must ask why such a stiff penalty? I would appreciate anyone's answer on this one.

DO WE ASK ENOUGH?
This is corny, but I have always believed that the truth is out there, as long as you're searching for it. But looking at the way things are, some parties will go all out to conceal it or even distort it. Is Alberto Rivera telling the truth? Is there more to the Vatican than we know? Is there more to Islam than we are being told? Do protestants really have the truth? Is religion just about spirituality or has it become a machination of politics? Is it important enough to even ask?

We question the media's integrity a lot. We question the motives of our politicians. We question the conspiracies behind our local councils. We all want the truth and we would never think twice about discrediting liars. But do we ever question religion enough? Or is it not all that important?

a freudian spit generated @ 6:33 PM | |

 
020: New Face for The Freudian Spit

I've finally had it with the old look. So I went and got a good buddy to do me a nifty little banner design just so I can put it up here in my blog. Unfortunately, I can't give you his name cos he's a damn wuss. Yes, Nick, you are! He's afraid the Religion Police will torture him for my identity! Bwahahahah!

In any case, you'll notice that I'm not so hot with HTML or whatever it is that gets this blog going. For that matter, neither is Nick since he's more of a "traditionalist". So do forgive me if the page is a little wonky. I am still learning this damn thing which is why you might notice how uncannily my layout resembles Wena's blog. Ahem! Okay, so I shamlessly ripped-off her look (and some source codes, sorry! Hey at least I'm honest) but I can't for the life of me give it the kind of finesse that her site has. Bla bla bla...

Bear with me awhile. I might not be updating so soon... at least not until I get this damn thing right! Doesn't look good on certain browsers. Any technical advice will be most welcome!

a freudian spit generated @ 9:38 PM | |